


Just Another Boring Rubber-Chicken Dinner

by Perri Smith (neonhummingbird)



Category: Kris Longknife - Mike Shepherd
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-18
Updated: 2010-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-13 18:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonhummingbird/pseuds/Perri%20Smith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The visit to the planet of Saint-Michel is supposed to be just another meet-and-greet, but when has Kris's life ever been that easy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Boring Rubber-Chicken Dinner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/gifts).



Jack fired another three-round burst down the hallway towards the governor’s security forces, then ducked back inside the alcove he was currently sharing with Kris.

“Does your Grampa Ray do this on purpose?” he asked, his tone weirdly conversational considering he had to pitch his voice above small-arms fire. “Or is it just some inborn talent for finding the most dangerous place in human space and sending you there?”

Kris shrugged and finished reloading, trying to ignore the way her hands were shaking. Truthfully, her whole body was shaking, the legacy of life-threatening wounds she’d taken barely a month earlier. Her single crutch lay beside her, its twin abandoned early on when she’d discovered she couldn’t use two crutches and return fire at the same time.

“You _know_ he does it on purpose,” she informed Jack, who as her chief of security was usually the one bailing her out of the situations King Ray sent her into. “But this time, we might have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Even he and Crossie couldn’t have seen this one coming.”

“Right. Give me proof and I’ll believe it,” Jack snarled. “You go low, I’ll take high.”

“Roger that.” They ducked back around the corner of their small shelter, Jack firing above Kris’s head, Kris angling around the bottom of Jack’s torso. Two more bad guys went down under Colt-Pfizer’s best sleepy darts, but that left about seven still on their feet.

“Sal, I need an ETA on Bruce,” Jack yelled over the return fire as they ducked back into the relative safety of their alcove.

“Sgt. Bruce’s ETA is 12 minutes,” Jack’s computer replied out loud, so Kris could hear him, too. “He is unable to approach faster, although I have repeatedly requested that he do so.”

Jack snorted. “Stop nagging him, Sal. Just keep your sensors on Nelly.”

“Of course. Mother Nelly’s position remains fixed. She is still broadcasting, and wishes to know Kris’s condition.”

“Tell her I’m fine.” Kris leaned out again, and picked off another shooter who thought his cover was better than it was. “Tell her we’ll be there soon.”

Jack made another disgusted noise, and Kris shrugged. “It really wasn’t my fault we got cut off from the others,” she reminded him innocently.

“Like it would have made a difference,” Jack growled, and shifted his weight to try to get a better angle of fire. That pushed him closer into Kris, for which he didn’t bother apologizing, since he’d managed not to put pressure on her head or either of her legs.

The alcove wasn’t really big enough for two people, but beggars (and princesses under armed assault) couldn’t be choosers, and it wasn’t like being jammed into a small space with Jack Montoya was ever going to be unpleasant. If it hadn’t been for the armed legions trying to capture them, Kris might actually have been enjoying herself. He smelled good, too.

*Mind on business, Lieutenant Commander Longknife,* she told herself sternly. *It would be embarrassing to get captured by a two-bit planetary governor because you were distracted by lusting after your security chief. Again.*

And, as usual, it had started out as such a simple chore. Go visit the planet of Saint-Michel in her persona as Princess Kristine Longknife, chat up Planetary Governor Delacroix and try to turn the conversation towards the many reasons he should consider joining the United Societies. The worst danger facing her should have been dying of boredom at Yet Another Banquet. She’d even let Abby bring Cara down to the surface to see the sights, instead of keeping the 12-year-old cooped up in the _Wasp_.

You’d think she’d have learned....

*****  
*****

 _5 Hours Ago_

“...So it should be a simple meet-and-greet,” Penny finished her briefing.

”Just another meet-and-greet?” Abby looked thoughtfully at Kris as she finished arranging the long blond (and armored, because Kris was never getting to go out in public with an unprotected skull again) wig over Kris’s head, fluffing the curls to cover a strategic amount of the cleavage left exposed by the strapless red gown. “It’s been so long since we had one of those, I’ve almost forgotten how to dress you for them.”

“You mean her boobs aren’t going to blow up this time?” Cara asked with a cheeky grin. She was foiling Penny’s attempts to neaten her hair by spinning around in front of the mirrors that dominated the newly-designated ‘Royal Suite’ of the planetary governor’s mansion, admiring her own ruffled evening dress.

Kris rolled her eyes -- although it wasn’t as if Cara was wrong; Abby’s booby bombs had saved Kris’s butt more than once -- and patted her chest with one hand. “Nothing in here tonight but what Nature gave me.”

“And a lot of padding to make up for Nature being real chintzy,” Abby pointed out, never one to pass up an opening. Kris rolled her eyes again, then jerked her head away when Abby tried to put the tiara in place.

“Do I have to?” she asked, trying not to let it turn into a whine.

Abby gave her a gimlet eye. “Stop whining, Your Highness. You’re doing the princess thing tonight, and that means the tiara.”

“And that means we’ll have lots of SmartMetal to pull from when things go wrong and people start shooting at us,” Nelly said cheerfully, hidden on Kris’ back by the falls of artificial hair.

“Thank you, Nelly,” Kris grimaced. “But just once, I’d like to visit a planet and not run straight into a hail of bullets.”

“Or explosions,” Nelly said, suddenly much more subdued. Kris’ pet computer still hadn’t quite recovered from the shock of almost losing Kris, which was fine. Kris still hadn’t quite recovered from that, either. Not that she was going to admit it....

“Well, baby ducks, you’re as princessy as even I can make you,” Abby announced, breaking the somber moment. She smoothed her own formal black ‘ignore me as I fade into the background, the better to shoot you from behind’ gown, and gave one last twitch to Kris’s hair. “Let’s go round up some Marines, and get this boring rubber-chicken party started.”

“Maybe it won’t be boring?” Cara suggested hopefully as she bounced towards the door.

“Maybe it won’t be _too_ boring,” Penny offered as she followed the girl.

“Oh, _please_ let it be boring,” Kris half-prayed as she left the suite behind everyone else.

*****

“Princess Kristine.” Governor Abraham Delacroix actually bowed over her extended hand and kissed the back of it, giving her a perfect view of the circular bald spot in the middle of his neatly trimmed black hair. Kris resisted the urge to yank her hand back, and plastered a gracious smile on her face instead.

“Governor Delacroix,” she returned his greeting very sweetly, and caught Jack’s quickly hidden smirk out of the corner of her eye. He would pay for that later, no matter how handsome he looked in full dress uniform. ”Thank you for your gracious welcome. I’m so looking forward to seeing Saint-Michel. My grandfather had nothing but good things to say about it.”

Of course, Grampa Ray (through Crossie) hadn’t said much more than that Saint-Michel was the proud possessor of a thriving industrial complex and two jump points, and he’d really like to have both the industry and the jump points allied to the United Societies. But those were good things, technically speaking.

“We’re delighted to have you as our guest, Your Highness.” Governor Delacroix returned her smile, but his seemed forced. Kris could see little beads of sweat on his forehead, and he twitched just a bit more than discomfort from his formal black tuxedo really called for. “We’ll do everything possible to make sure you enjoy your stay.”

Kris rescued her hand by turning slightly to introduce the other members of her party; Penny smiled courteously from the safety of her dress uniform (which won her the simple handshake Kris had been angling for, which was completely unfair), and Abby gave the impression that she took a bow from a planetary governor as her due. As the governor was making Cara giggle with yet another bow over _her_ hand, Kris asked silently, HE SEEMS WORRIED, NELLY. AM I OVERDOING THE PRINCESS THING?

NOT ANY MORE THAN USUAL. MAYBE HE’S JUST NERVOUS AROUND ROYALTY?

MAYBE. OH, GOODIE. By the time the Governor turned back to her to offer his arm, Kris had dialed up the sweetness content of her smile, and tossed a touch of ditsy into her voice for good measure. People tended to relax more around someone just a little bit airheaded, regardless of royal status.

Unfortunately, the more sugar-sweet diplomacy flowed from her mouth, the stiffer the governor’s arm became. Kris’s paranoia had started to kick in even before Jack caught her eye, then flicked a glance towards the hard-faced man striding along beside the party. Delacroix had introduced Darnell Lucas as his own security chief, and Jack was right -- Chief Lucas looked very unhappy to be welcoming a princess. Was he that concerned about security?

Or that concerned about welcoming a _Longknife_ princess?

NELLY, START POKING AROUND, DISCREETLY. I’D LIKE TO KNOW JUST WHY EXACTLY THE GOVERNOR IS SO NERVOUS ABOUT US BEING HERE.

YES, KRIS. I HAVE ALREADY ENTERED THE PLANETARY NETWORK AND LOCATED THE GOVERNOR’S PERSONAL SERVER. HIS SECURITY IS EXCELLENT, BUT I’M BETTER.

Kris tried to not to visibly grin at her computer’s unconscious arrogance. I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID DISCREETLY. NO NEED TO DISTURB THE SERVING OF RUBBER CHICKEN IF WE’RE ALL JUST PARANOID.

IF? Nelly asked archly.

Kris wondered (only to herself) if sarcasm was an inevitable side-effect of intelligence, artificial or otherwise, or if it was a side-effect of too much time spent with Kris’s retinue. Stuck with an unanswerable question, she settled for reminding Nelly, WE’RE ONLY PARANOID IF THEY’RE _NOT_ OUT TO GET US.

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER TO BELIEVE THAT, Nelly said sweetly. I WILL PASS ANY INFORMATION I DISCOVER DIRECTLY TO SAL. She went quiet, presumably too focused on her task to continue being a pain in the neck.

Kris waited for Jack’s eyes to lose the tiny lack of focus that meant he was talking to his own pet computer, then caught his glance again and nodded. Jack looked a little less grim, but still moved a few steps closer to his counterpart, which put him neatly between the governor’s security chief and Kris.

Lucas frowned and adjusted his stride until he had a clear view of the governor and, incidentally, Kris. Jack slipped smoothly back between them a few moments later, and Kris braced herself for a very long evening.

*****  
*****

 _4 Hours Later_

“What do you think?” Kris asked Jack, keeping an eye out for any sneaky assaults someone might be stupid enough to try from their back. “Payoff money from the Peterwalds, trying to get Saint-Michel to join Greenfeld instead of us? Or his cut of pirate booty, maybe? There have been reports of pirates in the area.”

Jack shrugged with one shoulder, the other holding his sidearm steady. “I’m still holding out for illegal payoffs from the contractors King Ray sent to install the defense satellites. Delacroix isn’t smart enough to be really venal.”

Kris considered that as she ducked around Jack to take another shot. “Maybe,” she admitted as she slid back, “but dumb can be plenty venal, too.”

“But not good at it,” Jack returned. “If he was doing anything that big, Crossenshield would have caught him already-- Crap!” Kris had just enough time to register the sounds of something clattering over the floor outside before Jack lunged out of the alcove, using her crutch to bat away a sleepy grenade just as it landed outside their shelter.

“That’s it, go!” he yelled, as the grenade went off halfway between them and the security forces, releasing its cloud out of range of pretty much everyone, but creating a few moments’ worth of cover.

He caught Kris under the right shoulder with his left arm and hauled her along with him, stumbling down the corridor in a hellishly weird three-legged race. Kris set her teeth against the pain of her still-healing legs and kept up, as the world devolved into a haze of pain and the sound of shouts and gunfire....

*****  
*****

 _1 Hour Earlier_

“‘Just the thing to get you back on your feet again’,” Kris mocked Admiral Crossenshield bitterly, flopping down onto the plush couch of their suite and rubbing her aching feet. The flats Abby had put her in were gorgeous and comfortable, but nothing could make Kris’s still-healing legs happy about three solid hours of dancing with strange men and making small talk with everyone else. (The dance with Jack had been the exception, but much too short.) “How long is this visit supposed to last?”

“Three more days, and I don’t want to hear about it,” Abby told her, rescuing the shoes. “You are the only princess I know who’d rather be on a ship under fire than attending parties in a beautiful gown.”

Kris thought about that. “I‘d be offended, if you knew any other princesses.”

“Beside the point, Your Princess-ship. Try to enjoy the peace, for once.”

“You’re right,” Kris sighed, and closed her eyes, trying to relax into the embrace of the cushions. At least she hadn’t had to use the crutches tonight, she offered to herself. She was getting better. NELLY? ANYTHING INTERESTING TURNING UP?

I HAVE LOCATED A CACHE OF HEAVILY-SECURED FILES, Nelly answered. THEY ARE LOCKED UNDER A PERSONAL ENCRYPTION WHICH IS PROVING DIFFICULT TO BREAK. She sounded very annoyed that any computer system wouldn’t just open up for her. KRIS, I DOUBT THAT ANYONE WOULD NEED SUCH A HEAVY LEVEL OF SECURITY FOR ROUTINE DOCUMENTS.

SO HE’S HIDING SOMETHING. Kris sighed. JACK, DID YOU GET THAT?

I GOT IT, Jack replied through Nelly and Sal, which was still a little unnerving. YOU SHOULD SEND CARA BACK UP TO THE _WASP_ WITH PENNY. I DON’T LIKE THIS.

NEITHER DO I. Kris thought about paranoia and her track record, then made the decision, “Abby, get Cara’s things together. I want her to go back up to the _Wasp_. Nelly says they’re still prepping Penny’s shuttle, so you’ve got about 10 minutes.”

Abby looked thoughtfully at Cara, who had collapsed into a heap onto the couch as soon as they came in, then nodded. “She’ll make a fuss because she thinks she should, but she’ll have more fun on the ship and she knows it. You think something fishy’s going on?”

“Don’t you?”

“You bet.” Abby started rummaging in one of her unopened trunks, and Kris sat up a little in anticipation of what was about to come out. “The Governor’s about to jump out of his skin, and I don’t like the way his security chief keeps looking at you.”

“Jack agrees with you. He kept trying to stay between the two of us all night.”

“Baby ducks, Jack likes to stay between you and other men at all times.”

Kris felt herself blushing, which was just embarrassing, but shot back, “Of course he does. That’s why I danced with half of Saint-Michel tonight.”

Abby shook her head pityingly and went back to rummaging in her trunk. “Whatever makes you two feel better--”

“Kris!” Nelly’s voice was loud and urgent enough to have Kris jolting to her feet. “Your suite’s security has just been activated by an outside party!”

“Intruders?” Kris demanded. “Elevators or stairs?”

“Neither! The security is locking _you_ in. I can’t open the doors and all network links are down.”

ON MY WAY, Jack told them grimly over Nelly’s link. THE MARINES OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR AREN’T RESPONDING.

This was going to be bad; Kris could feel it. But before she had a chance to think anything else, there was a popping sound from the ventilation system, and clouds of gas began streaming in.

“Nelly, block the vents!” Kris shouted before getting one good gasp of air and holding it. Abby spun towards another trunk and flipped it open, but she crumbled to the floor before she could get whatever she was looking for.

Kris dropped to her hands and knees, trying to stay under the gas, and crawled towards Abby. But the gas followed her, clinging to her skin, and she had just enough time to think one last frantic call to Nelly and Jack before her knees gave out, and the world collapsed into a blurry haze.

As the room spiraled around her, she was barely aware of armed intruders crashing through the doors to the suite. Their faces were twisted and deformed; Kris tried to shrink back before she realized, _Filtration masks_. She thought vaguely that she should be reaching for her weapon, but couldn’t make her body comply, not even when rough hands reached down, yanked Nelly’s jack from the back of Kris’s head, and stripped the small computer away.

“That’s it, the computer’s off,” one of them said. “Lock them down and let’s go.”

The door slid closed again behind them, and the world swirled around Kris as a distant part of her mind screamed after them. But Nelly wasn’t there to hear….

*****  
*****

 _1 Hour Later_

Kris barely noticed when she and Jack stopped moving, except that Jack's voice, which had been pouring a constant stream of encouragement into her ears, turned into cursing. And then there was beautiful, glorious silence, as they stumbled through a door that closed behind them. Jack steered her to a wall, and helped her carefully lower herself to the floor.

“Are we safe?” Kris muttered blearily, trying to focus on something other than how much her legs and head were hurting. The room swam dizzily around her.

“For now,” Jack said, kneeling in front of her. She managed to focus on his worried expression as he smoothed strands of her armored wig away from her eyes, and the sweat and tears she knew were soaking her skin. He didn’t comment on either, and she resisted the urge to just turn her face into his palm and let it stay there. “Nelly got tired of waiting for us and finished hacking the governor’s security. She’s in full control of the doors and windows, and she’s working on the alarms. The front door should be wide open for Bruce.”

“Good job, Nelly,” Kris muttered, forgetting that Nelly couldn’t hear her.

Sal must have relayed it, because Jack told her, “Nelly says thank you, and can we find a safer planet to take Cara to next time?”

That sent a jolt of adrenaline through a system that should have been fresh out, and Kris managed to sit a little straighter. “Where is Cara? Where’s Abby?”

“The rest of your detail got them to one of the basement laundry rooms; they’re sitting tight waiting for Bruce. No casualties; the governor didn’t hire goons professional enough to deal with Marines. Cara is awake and playing a game on Dada, so I don’t think she’s too traumatized.”

“Nice to know one of us isn’t.” Kris was certainly accumulating more than her fair share of trauma, and judging from the weary lines around Jack’s eyes and mouth that hadn’t been there six month ago, he was also feeling the strain of being too close to one of those ‘damn Longknifes’.

“I’m sorry,” she offered in a small voice.

Jack blinked at her. “If you’re apologizing for insisting on coming with me to get Nelly, I’m shocked, but apology accepted, for the moment.”

“For the moment?” Kris managed. Jack used the hand that was still on her face to shake her, just the tiniest bit.

“If you’re apologizing for anything else,” he continued sternly, “then I am obligated to tell Lieutenant Commander Longknife to snap out of the self-pity; we don’t have time for it.”

Kris took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, reminding herself that fatigue leads to lack of emotional control, and also that crying on Jack’s shoulder in the middle of a daring rescue/escape would be hopelessly humiliating. “Okay. You’re right. Sorry--” She caught herself even as she said the word and Jack, darn it, laughed.

“Two apologies _and_ you admitted I’m right. Sal, are you recording this?”

“Don’t answer that,” Kris instructed the computer. Sal kept his electronic mouth shut, which proved he was probably smarter than the humans.

Who both noticed at the same time that Jack’s palm was still resting against Kris’s cheek. Jack smiled ruefully, and let his hand drop, more slowly than necessary. “Rest for a few minutes, then we’ll figure out the next move. Sal, Bruce’s ETA?”

“Five minutes. Mother Nelly’s position hasn’t changed.”

Jack pushed himself to his feet and started prowling around the edges of the room, checking the other two doors. “Tell him I want his squad to split on landing -- half of them get to Cara and Abby, the other half head for Nelly’s position. The princess and I will meet them there--”

A sudden noise from above them stopped him mid-sentence; he went silent and took a cautious step towards the main ventilation grate, which was just large enough for a skinny thug to get through.... He trained his weapon upwards, waiting, and Kris almost didn’t hear the scraping sound from above her in time--

“Jack!” Kris yelled at the same time that she whipped her sidearm up and fired. Jack whirled and put two bursts of his own into the tiles above Kris, and the attack squad that had been busy coming in through the ceiling crashed through it instead.

Kris lunged out of the way as the first bodies crashed to the floor beside her. Then Jack was there, hauling her back to her feet.

“Nelly, release the doors! We’ve got to go!” he called out. The far door slid open, and locked behind them as the first rounds pounded into the metal from the other side.

*****  
*****

 _30 Minutes Ago_

“Kris!” The pounding against the door was distant, but strong enough to get Kris’s attention through the drug haze. The explosion that knocked the door partway into the room finished the job; as Jack and three Marines climbed past the wreckage, Kris was already starting to push herself up.

“Here,” she rasped, her voice squeezing through the tight muscles of her throat. It wasn’t necessary; Jack was already beside her, and two other Marines were checking on Abby and Cara, who probably were still too far under to wake even with all of the noise. If they were still...

“Abby? Cara?”

“Just fine over here,” Abby groaned; Kris turned her head enough to see Abby getting to her feet with Cpl. Coates’s help. Sgt. Nibawe gave them a thumbs-up from where he was checking on the still-quiet Cara.

Thinking still seemed hard, but “What hit us?” was the next question that occurred to Kris.

“Goon squad,” Jack said shortly, checking Kris over for injuries. He took a bottle of water from his pocket and helped Kris swallow. “They didn’t bother gassing us, just locked us in.”

“Stupid,” Kris managed.

“Yeah. Turns out the doors in this place are bullet-proof, but a shaped charge still works. Can you move?”

Kris nodded, not actually sure she could, but-- “Nelly! Jack, they took--”

“I know.” He gestured with his chin down towards Sal. “She’s broadcasting her location, still in the building; I’ll get her. You go with Abby and Cara; Bruce is already in-bound.”

Kris shook her head, trying to clear it, and instantly regretted the motion. “Thought they... turned Nelly off.”

Jack unexpectedly grinned. “She made a dummy switch out of SmartMetal, played dead right after they tripped it, then started screaming for her kids the second the goons turned their backs. Our Nelly is sneaky as hell; can’t imagine where she gets it from.”

Kris was still a little too woozy to rise to that bait. “The governor… The goon squad was after us? Not him?”

“Definitely us, which means the governor has some serious questions to answer.” Jack’s face was deadly grim again, and Kris assumed those questions would be asked down the barrel of a rifle. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and run into him when I get Nelly. Abby, what have you got?”

“Oh, Abby has all kinds of lovely toys.” Abby started to rummage through the trunk she’d opened as the gas attack had started. “Too late for filtration masks, but I’ve got lots of things that go boom.”

“I’ll take them all.” Jack started loading his pockets.

Kris stood carefully, and discovered that her legs would hold her. Determination crystallized in the part of her mind that weren’t still totally blurred. “He’ll take half of them,” she told Abby. “I’ll take the rest.”

*****

Jack and Abby were still fighting with Kris minutes later, in between passing out grenades of various forms, ammunition, and spider-silk underwear. Kris, Jack and the Marines were already armored up, but Abby had to wriggle into hers, then wrestle Cara’s limp limbs into a child-sized set. It was a tricky job, which didn’t stop Abby from simultaneously informing Kris that she was a lunatic and that Abby was resigning.

Kris ignored her, focusing on the effort it took to stay upright and change into clothes more suitable for an armed assault. Jack was harder to ignore, since he could theoretically give her orders, but Kris had no intention of bowing to that particular legal nicety right now.

Nelly had been kidnapped. Nelly needed to be rescued. Kris’s responsibilities seemed crystal clear.

“Jack, Abby, we don’t have time for this. Blowing up doors may be effective, but it’s noisy, and they’ve got to know we’re loose. Sgt. Nibawe, you’ve got Cara?”

Nibawe carefully picked up the unconscious girl, levering her to lie over one shoulder and leave his firing hand free. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” Kris knew she didn’t need to tell the Marines to put themselves between Cara and any harm; the hard thing would be stopping them from doing just that. “Jack, lead the way.”

“No,” he said flatly, standing solidly between Kris and the door. He had an M-6 slung over his back, and grenades bulged in his pockets. “You need me and Sal to lead you to Nelly, and I’m damned if I’ll play along when you try to get yourself killed again. This time, you’re going to _listen_ to me.”

“Jack, we don’t have _time_ \--“

“--to carry you through a firefight when you can barely walk!” Jack cut her off ruthlessly, gesturing at the single crutch she was still leaning on. Kris set her jaw and glared back, knowing he was probably -- all right, totally -- correct, but the one thing her slightly fogged brain was totally sure of, was that she was _not_ leaving here without Nelly.

Jack breathed out hard in frustration and gestured at Coates to lead the way out the door. Abby and Nibawe followed as soon as she waved the all-clear, both with weapons free. “So go with the damn Marines,” Jack continued through his teeth, “and trust me to get Nelly!”

“It’s not about trust!” Kris gritted out through her own teeth as she went through the door ahead of Jack. “Nelly is _my_ responsibility and you can’t--”

“Heads-up!” Nibawe yelled, and a grenade dropped from a ventilation shaft into the space between him and Kris. Jack grabbed her and pulled her backwards as Coates lunged forward past Nibawe, kicking the grenade into the room they’d just left. Everyone hit the dirt as the grenade exploded, the doorway channelling the worst of the force directly into the opposite wall, and destroying doorway, wall and ceiling. A body crashed through the remaining tiles and lay limp on the rubble, caught by his own grenade.

Jack swore viciously as he looked up from the floor and took in the wreckage blocking Kris from the Marines. “Coates, get them to the rendezvous,” he snarled into his radio. “Princess Longknife is with me.”

He glared at Kris as she picked herself painfully up with her remaining crutch. But before he could say anything they would both probably regret, the sound of running combat boots thudded down the hall behind them, and there was no more time for arguing.

They were both firing before they made it to the first corner.

*****  
*****

 _30 Minutes Later_

Jack pulled Kris along through the maze of halls and empty rooms; the governor’s mansion housed his offices as well as his home, but somehow, none of the hundreds of staff and guests who should have been around, were.

“Looks like everyone got the memo but us,” Kris gasped as they paused at the intersection of two halls, both lushly carpeted. She leaned against a huge painting and twisted to check out the hall behind them.

“Or they ran for it when the explosions started,” Jack thought out loud. “But I doubt we made _that_ much noise, not for a place with bullet-proof doors and sound-proof walls.”

“Maybe that’s only in the special ‘royal prisoners’ section?” Kris suggested wryly. “Is Sgt. Bruce--?”

The distinctive sound of an atmospheric shuttle screamed by overhead, rattling windows in its wake. “Bruce is here,” Jack announced unnecessarily. “Backup is on its way. Oh, _hell_.”

“What?” Kris demanded.

“Move, now!” Jack took off running and Kris pushed herself off the wall to chase after him.

“Delacroix still doesn’t know Nelly’s been broadcasting to her kids,” Jack filled her in over his shoulder as she caught up. “He’s trying to destroy her and the evidence she downloaded.”

Kris didn’t spare the breath to curse, but she was even with Jack in three limping strides, and passed him on the fourth.

“Next left and down the hall,” Jack said, trying to keep his voice down as it jerked with the rhythm of his steps. “You take low, I’ll go high.”

“Right,” Kris panted. “Try not to kill anyone official. Yet.”

“Only if necessary,” Jack agreed grimly. Kris was pretty sure she wasn’t the only one half-hoping for ‘necessary’.

They rounded the corner without slowing; sleepy darts took out three guards who never knew what had hit them. By the time they made it to the door, Nelly or one of her children obligingly slid it open for them.

They both flinched back from the sudden assault of a high-pitched noise, decibels higher than comfortable human hearing. Jack threw in a flash-bang, the door slammed shut, and they braced themselves until the bang. When the door slid open again, there was nothing but silence.

“Everyone freeze!” Jack yelled as they barrelled in, but there was no one to hear it -- Delacroix and two of his official security people were huddled on the ground around the table that held Nelly’s small ‘body’, hands limp beside their heads, where they’d presumably been pressed helplessly to their ears.

“Kris! Jack!” Nelly shouted gleefully.

“Dart ‘em,” Jack said, and Kris nodded, carefully placing sleepy darts into the two governor and the two guards. She stepped over the female guard’s unconscious body, and reached for Nelly with shaking hands.

“I knew you’d make it,” Nelly said happily.

“You bet.” Kris’s voice shook as badly as her hands; Jack had to help her plug the net hookup into the jack in the back of her neck, then he turned away to watch her back -- and give her some privacy.

SGT BRUCE IS 300 YARDS AWAY WITH A SQUAD OF 10 MARINES, Nelly informed her as soon as the link snapped into place. SECURITY CHIEF LUCAS TOLD THE GOVERNOR TO DESTROY ME WHILE HE WENT TO ‘TAKE CARE’ OF YOU, KRIS. INSTEAD, LUCAS WENT TO A PRIVATE SHUTTLE, WHICH IS CURRENTLY RUNNING PREFLIGHT PROCEDURES.

“Good job, Nelly,” Kris and Jack said simultaneously. Kris looked at Jack and he freed one hand from his weapon long enough to tap Sal. Nelly’s ‘son’ was still keeping Jack in the loop on the important stuff, then.

I USED MY SPEAKER CAPABILITIES TO DISABLE THEM BEFORE THEY COULD HURT ME, Nelly continued, her voice an odd blend of triumphant and troubled. I DIDN’T KNOW I COULD DO THAT.

NEITHER DID I, Kris said, trying to be soothing. She suspected Sal wasn't getting _this_. BUT YOU HAD TO. SELF-DEFENSE IS SOMETIMES NECESSARY.

MAYBE. BUT I STILL WANT TO GO HOME.

I KNOW, NELLY. Kris sighed. SO DO I.

Her legs would no longer hold her, and pain was starting to break through the adrenalin in ways that told her how much she was going to suffer for her latest adventure. She slid carefully to the floor, keeping her weapon trained on the door, until Bruce’s squad announced their arrival as only Marines could, and she and Jack could finally relax.

*****  
*****

 _3 Hours Later_

Kris fought the powered wheelchair on principle, but not very hard; even after a few hours in which no one had let her stand up, much less move, her legs were still throbbing and she wasn't sure she'd have had the energy to walk from the docking bay to her quarters on the _Wasp_.

Not fighting Jack and Abby on the wheelchair also gave them fewer openings for "I told you so," which Jack was above saying, but Abby wasn't. She said it several times on the way back to the suite, and twice during the process of getting Kris undressed and into the hot tub. Kris finally ducked her head all the way under the bubbling water and stayed there until Abby took the hint.

By the time Kris dragged herself out of the water and into a comfortable robe, everyone else had appeared her living quarters. Cara was curled sleepily on the couch, subdued but no worse for wear, while Penny and Jack talked quietly over her head.

Jack got up as soon as Kris came in, and helped her get settled into an armchair before retaking his own seat. Kris suffered through Abby’s clucking for another minute, then interrupted to ask Penny, “What’s the news from the planet?”

Penny almost smiled, but her face was a little too tired to do it for real. “The governor is still screaming that his security chief was behind it all; that he organized your -- kidnapping? Unlawful imprisonment? -- as a distraction and left Delacroix to take the fall. Weirdly, it appears to be true.”

“Hmm. What does Lucas say?”

“Nothing since we intercepted his shuttle and put him in the brig. Well, he asked for a lawyer.” Penny made a face. “Someone else is going to have to make the call on that one.”

Kris made a face of her own. “Later.”

“The fun part,” Jack said, not sounding like he thought it was any fun at all, “is that they figured King Ray sent you here to uncover their operation, and their nerves about that were what sent Nelly off to uncover their operation. Your reputation preceded you, Lieutenant Commander Princess Longknife.”

“Oh no.” Kris’s chin sank to her chest before the bright side occurred to her. “Oh, yes! Maybe Grampa Ray will stop using me as a secret weapon if I’m not a secret anymore.”

Everyone else, including Cara, looked at her as if she were insane, and Kris abandoned her bright side. “What _was_ their operation, anyway?”

“It was _two_ operations,” Nelly declared, jumping in before Penny could say anything. Penny shrugged and abandoned the field to the computer. “Governor Delacroix took bribes from the contractors for the orbital defenses--” Jack looked very smug, “--and Chief Lucas used the bribes to blackmail the governor into joining up with the Greenfeld Alliance. That’s what the governor claims, at least, and I traced money in Lucas’s account back to a Peterwald bank.”

Kris flashed a smug look back at Jack, although this one was mostly a draw. “Good job, Nelly. But next time, try not to let them catch you breaking into the files. People don’t like that.”

“I noticed,” Nelly said with disgust. “If they don’t want people to read their criminal files, then they shouldn’t be criminals. Or at least, they shouldn’t keep records for other people to find.”

Penny laughed, Jack snorted, and Cara snored, out cold again. “On that note,” Penny said, levering herself off of the couch. “I’m going to need to sleep for a week to recover from this party.”

“And you missed the exciting parts,” Kris pointed out.

“The part where planetary security tried to break into our shuttle was pretty exciting,” Penny pointed out. That was fair; Kris acknowledged it with a nod as Penny left.

Abby had roused Cara enough for her to walk; the girl detoured on her way to the door to kiss Kris clumsily on the cheek. “Thank you for saving Nelly,” she whispered sleepily. “ _I_ thought it was brave.”

“It was dumb, too,” Kris whispered back. “But I’m glad Nelly’s safe. And that you are, too.”

Cara flashed the grin that had broken hearts all over the ship, and trailed after Abby towards her room.

“I’m glad I’m safe, too,” Nelly said as the door closed again behind them. “I don’t like being away from you, Kris.”

“Me neither, Nelly.”

“But next time,” Jack asked from where he was still half-reclining on the couch, “can the people recovering from major injuries _please_ let other people do the rescuing?”

Kris ducked her head at the exasperated affection in his voice. “We’ll see,” was the best she could promise.

Jack sighed. “I guess I can’t ask for more.” He was silent for a minute and Kris expected him to get up and follow the others out. Instead, he shifted a little, then offered casually, “I could stay until Abby comes back.”

Kris smiled; Jack was there, and Nelly was there, and suddenly, nothing seemed to hurt quite as much. “Yes, please. I would definitely like that.”

Kris was asleep before Abby came back. So was Jack.

fin

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my excellent beta readers, none of whom knew the fandom, but all of whom jumped in anyway. Lunalibre supplied assurance that it was good, butterflykiki was her usual awesomely snarky self, and brightknightie turned in a really fantastic line edit that totally saved my butt. And Mara provided a prompt that kicked me into writing a story I had a lot of fun with. Hugs to all!


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